Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Well. Happy CNY to those who celebrate, to people who care about it.
Nothing much is happening on my front, just the usual relatives getting together, stuffing faces and playing mahjongg, same shit.

(I'm so glad I'm working tomorrow. Even if I have to get up superduper early, like at six, since I'm working 8am to 1pm for Monday and Tuesday.)

I've tried to call Borders to check if they have a book, but no one, no one picks up!
Benjamin Low! Why not!
(ed's note) oh, oh! Thanks sooo much lefty. Haha, you're the best!

Anyway, my dad is being a dickhead, so it's only Nig and myself at home right now. My mum's upstairs at my aunt's place helping with cooking,

and my father!

my father abandoned his two children (whom he's meant to be spending time with right now)
he went up to my aunt's place to watch tennis on their tv, since thanks to him, we don't have sports channels at our place.

ppppfffftt.

The gloomy skies and impending rain aren't helping my oh-so-cheerful mood either. ): sigh.
People can't be what they're not, no?


I'm a horrible person.
I'm seventeen.
I'm confused.

friends (:

So I was talking to Dong last night, and well, I just wanna say, Dong Tianzhao, I'm so glad I know you. Really. Really, really, really!!

(omfffggg eh!!!)(It's cute in a totally weird, warped, sick way, eh Dong! HAHA)
What were the odds eh? And I do know you really well and I'm sooo happy I do (:

and now I've started this..

Vivien!! Ah, I love you mannn! I'm so glad you're there for me, and you know you said I cheer you up? Well you do the same for me!

Mun and Su, even though I don't see you two so often now, you've been great friends throughout school, and I know you'll be there for me (:
Right, right! Say yes! hehh

And I'm so thankful for all the new people I've met too in the last couple of weeks, all the bellboys (yes Nic loves bellboys!) and Gillian, Vanessa, Nita, Jill, Rika.. oh, so many.

All my friends, and I love them all.

(and I love my job too.)

haha.

Something totally weird happened today.
Gillian and I were doing our usual stuff, greeting and opening doors and direction people in the afternoon, and suddenly! these three guys (Italian, I'm guessing) anyway these three guys we've been greeting a couple of times earlier on approached us and were like

"could you take pictures with us?"

haha we looked at each other and were like "omgggggg" and I distinctly heard Gillian mutter "I am so not photogenic."
Good that makes two of us.

Sooooo, Gillian and I stood between two of the guys and the third took the picture, and after we took one the guy in the dark shirt asked his friend to take one of me and him alone.

wtf mannnn.

haha after that they thanked us and left, I think they checked out.
After they left, we turned to each other and rolled our eyes and went "now that was soooo weirrrrrd."

then we went back to poking fun at Hadi, haha, don't worry kids I found another bellboy to gossip with.
lol.

I like my job (:

speaking of which, she's wrong upstairs.
the wheel's going but the hamster's dead?
you know.. kangaroos in the top paddock?
not.quite.right.?

haha. first she fucks me over to work.
then!
now she's bitching I work too long
"oh why don't you just work four and a half days a week, then you have more free time"

well I don't care about free time, I LIKE working, I LIKE staying the whole day at the hotel and talking to people.

I
Won't
Work
Less that what I'm doing now.
Five days a week, seven and a half hours a day.
get me!?
rawrrrrgrrrr

On a lighter note, Ben and I have been making up kooky band names and song titles, and it all started with us discussing how the singer for Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco sound totally alike.
So this is my title!

"my brother thinks he's a ninja but i just want to be left alone with my pink socks" by the backwards chairs

haha. and well, Ben's going through many many titles and bands. I think he's more bored than me. Or maybe he just likes doing it lol.

ok he blames me!! NEHHH. haha go read it yourself, its damn retarded.

the post labelled with todays date, that starts off
"this is ben and i had nothing better else to do this friday evening so this is it the post you have been waiting for - friday fight fingers"
here.

btw, 'K's in a name is sooo cool. haha.
jakob danger? fucking sexy.

okgo!

I like my job! it's fun! hahaha.

Hey, I don't look malay right? Or eurasian? All the bellboys have been asking me if I'm eurasian, or malay, they say I don't look chinese.

wtf mann.

Oh, I love bellboys! they're sooo cuteeeee haha, cute meaning they're nice and talk and talk and gossip and ahhhhhhhhhhh sooooo cuteeee!!!! And they're soooo friendly. haha. I love bellboys!
(Nigel says they should be "bellmen" since they're old)
*dum-dum-dum-dish!!*

ok though on the downside, my feet hurt like a bitch.
Today Gillian (the other girl on duty today) and I were so bored we started doing weird things with our feet, like walk retardedly and spin around and play stupid things like walking sideways without stepping on lines. Lol.
And Jamil, a bellboy, saw us through the glass doors and started laughing omfgggggg sooo embarrassing! hahaha!

But, all in all, I like my job!
And I like bellboys!! (X

thanks Viv, and Ben, for listening and talking and consoling me.
I swear, if she'd whipped me one more time or slashed my face with that wire hanger or whatever, i swear to god, bhudda, allah, whatever, that i would punch her, smash her, overpower her and let her bleed, bleed out all her sins. sigh.
I hurt, my hands,fingers and arms are swollen and i see blood below the surface. thank goodness the uniform is longsleeved.

Dong Tianzhao, i've extended my hours, i end at 4.30pm. Text me if you come down. :)

Work is...

boring at times, since all I do is stand around
but fun mostly!

haha, really. I think it's kinda fun, but my feet kill at the end, standing around for 7 hours in heels is not funny, kids!

On the brighterrr side, ka-ching comes in daily!!
But the cashier counter was shut today when I finished, so it looks like I'll have to pick up the pay tomorrow. Or sth.

Main entrance of the Meritus Mandarin, nine aye em to four pee em

*Oh and did I mention (ok only to Shaun I know) I got my Topshop top. Ahhhh it was just hanging around (pun intended) waiting for meeee to buy it!
whoopeee!

Ok Nic is working tomorrow!!

eeepp. sigh, high heels and red cheongsams ): haha.

Oh well, that topshop top BETTER STILL BE IN STOCK when I go down tomorrow, *crosses fingers*

Anyway, the past few days have been SUNNY!! Yaaaay. I hope it continues.
I had lots of things to say earlier, well, I thought I did. I know I kept thinking of things this morning and saying to myself 'I must blog about that', but!

Now I can't remember.

Totally typical!!
grrff.

Haha, read this. Yup, my air guitar is beautiful, bright, shiny, and plays wonderfully!!
No, no you can't have it, go get your own!!
nanny nanny poo poo!!

Anyway, Nic has a job. Finally. Nic starts on Monday. I'm the Mandarin Hotel's door bitch. HAHA. Ok so I have to stand there, open doors, smile at guests and direct them when they're lost.
Easy peasy japaneasy.

(I hope)

Oh. Mandarin, Meritus Mandarin, is that hotel that's next to Cineleisure, next to the Esprit store. Next to takashimaya. haha. Why do so many people not know where it is!!

It's rainy. I'm depressed. I'm irritated and I'm annoyed too, and the best part?
I don't know why!!

Sad, sad, sad Nic. ):

sigh. oh well. A reprieve from the depression tomorrow.
Pizza at Viv's place with Mun and Su! (:(:(:

I miss everything. I miss nothing. I'm lonely but I could like it. Alone but not lonely. Or is it lonely, but not alone?
You don't have to be alone to be lonely, you might as well give in.

I'm a walking contradiction.

ooh, kids, read this article

here.

and take this quiz! (which is in the article but if you fail to see it..)

here.

Haha. Good English, kids, needs to be promoted, nurtured and supported!
(By the way I got 10/10 for my quiz)
muahaha.

Life is boring and tomorrow I'm heading down to Mandarin Hotel to see this Danny Wong kid. (ok my dad says he's middle-aged, but..)
Haha. Hopefully, he'll have a job for me.

Maybe hostess? Like, the door bitch, who stands there and opens the main doors.
(they're wearing red cheongsams at the moment, oofeurgh)
Sigh any job I guess, money is money is contact lenses is nose piercings.
hahahaaa.

Anyway, cross fingers, toes and hearts that I get the job.
Job = money = a very materialistic view on life but.. = happy Nic?

Viv and I totally haaateee Wendy Pepper!
Urgh!
Bullshit she sucks she should've been off Project Runway loooong ago baby!!

Today is the day of one-liners.
(here goes)

1. I ♥ my boy (:
2. It's been raining for ages.
3. Maybe forever.
4. Nig thinks it'll be 40 days and 40 nights.
5. I have pimples ):
6. Singapore's "terrorist-threat drills" are stupid.
7. Completely stupid.
8. I GOT MY GREEN DAY DVD YEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
9. I love Green Day
10. The Apprentice is super duper bitchy and really annoying, after like, seven million and three seasons, it's grating on the nerves.
11. There's CSI Miami after The Apprentice so I'm perservering.
12. Some people still annoy me.
13. I need money.
14. I want a mocha ice-blended.
15. CSI Miami is starting soon, five minutes!!
16. I miss Shaun already!
17. Tuesday is a public holiday.
18. That means I'll see my baby again! (:
19. I'm gonna sleep late again today, I'll watch my Green Day dvd!
20. That's all!

I don't know you
But I think I hate you
You're the reason for my misery
Strange how you've become
my biggest enemy
And I've never even seen your face

Maybe it's just jealousy
Mixing up with a violent mind
A circumstance that doesn't make much sense
Or maybe I'm just dumb

You're the cloud hanging out over my head
Hail comes crashing down
welting my face
magic man, egocentric plastic man
Yet you still get one over on me

Maybe it's just jealousy
Mixing up with a violent mind
A circumstance that doesn't make much sense
Or maybe I'm just dumb

-"Chump", Green Day

I want the Green Day DVD, "Bullet in a Bible".
My birthday is...oh, just about twelve months away. Not too far eh? X)

rawwwrrrr ok I feel funny. I feel really URGHFUCKINGANNOYED, and really, I've no reason to be (wtf eh)
I'm jealous cause Viv went for guitar lessons today (yes the one I'm meant to go to, too)
And I'm jealous cause Dong went to a biker bar and moshed (which I haven't done for ages - mosh that is, not the biker bar) and people just plain irritate me, yes they do.
I could punch someone now. Then beat them up some more and kick them in the kneecaps. Then hide away and cry.
I feel like I could just sit down somewhere and completely space out. I'm so so soooooooo bored

am I going mad here?

Maybe it's just jealousy, mixing up with with a violent mind?
Or maybe I'm just dumb.

or not.

You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Persistant sad or anxious mood
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
Loss of interest in hobbies or activities
Fatigue or decreased energy
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Insomnia or oversleeping
Changes in appetite or weight
Thoughts of death or suicide
Restlessness or irritability
Headaches or chronic pain

yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup etc etc

sigh.

It's stupid.
I have a headache.

I'm being chasedbitchedatfuckedover cause "I'm not looking for a fucking job".
I am, fuck it, I fucking am, fuck fuck fuck sigh.

Sometimes I wish I could just sit in the corner and cry, and everything would work itself out around me.
If crying could change things my life would've been erased and rebuilt, since I've fucked it up so much.

Please, hit reset, somebody.

game over.

the down and disillusioned

"seventeen and strung out on confusion
trapped inside a roll of disillusion"

I'm talking to Viv online and we were talking about learning the guitar for fun, then Viv said that most people who play in bands are not in it 'just for fun', they're out looking for a chance to get signed and all.

Which is sort of true, but then again, the young people now, the young people on the cusp of life, full of big dreams, yeah, they want to go out, play, get signed, make it big, tour the world, get famous, get lots of money and live the life. Something like that.
(Amen I hear you.)

Anyway. When these people grow older, they get disillusioned. The lusture and the shine wears off the dream, the glitter gets rubbed off and soon they realise they have to grow up, find a job, work, support their families, live like every ordinary sad sod that they never wanted to be like.
That's when these kids start looking for other wandering waylaid souls to play in bands 'for fun'.

The world's not waiting for anyone, but hardly anyone can keep up anyway.

I feel so down. Down, down, down. I wish someone would pick me up but I'm bringing everyone down too.